Plan B is the new Plan A
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
