I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
