Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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