I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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