you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
