Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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