I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
