come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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