I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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