the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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