apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
