Your dad touched me again.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
