so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
