I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
