if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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