So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
