it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
