Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
