the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
