this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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