I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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