whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
