i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
