She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
