I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
