Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
