He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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