CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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