he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
