i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
