Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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