He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
