thus making me awesome and them whores
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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