dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
