Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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