Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
