I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
