Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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