Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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