it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
