Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
