I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
