nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
