Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
