could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
