dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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