I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
