my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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