the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
