Define "chronic" masturbator.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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