we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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