If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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