capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
