Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
