After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
